Introduction
Hello there!! My name is Briana (Bri-aw-nuh), but to keep it simple you can call me Bri! I am an Entrepreneurship Major, and I LOVE it. The way I love to describe my major is that its the "fun" business major. It's all about being creative, thinking outside the box, and solving problems in the real world through a product or service! Its collaborative friendly and encourages team work for pretty much every assignment. I went into my major blindly, but I can't imagine studying anything else. Since we just got done with summer break I think a lot of who I am is summed up by what I did this summer! I got the amazing opportunity to live in the mountains of Colorado investing into the lives of 16 year olds while walking through scripture with them. I basically got paid to pretend like I was in high school again, and got to do fun things like hike, zip-line, bowl, and so many other things. To change things up a bit I'll provide my summer video that I compiled!...
Hi Briana!
ReplyDeleteThere were so many things I loved about your story! I loved that Ella realized that she had to fix things herself. I love that the story didn't focus on Ella becoming "pretty," because she was already wonderful the way she was. I love that Ella wanted to make Kat nice instead of getting revenge. There were so many wonderful morals above and beyond the original story of the rabbit who thought it was the end of the world. I wonder if the other stories will continue this way. These are the kinds of girl power and girls-helping-girls kind of stories that the world needs more of. I would love to see more Indian tales as princess stories. This one was so cute! I loved your writing, and I really can't wait to see how you continue forward with your stories this semester! I'm hoping for more morals like these.
Hi Briana!
ReplyDeleteI love your story of "The Princess and the Pauper." I love how you made it more about your protagonist trying to change someone else for the better with trickery instead of resorting to petty revenge or magical beauty transformations. I especially love how descriptive you were through your story; it really made the story more engaging and enjoyable! I found it kind of surprising that Kat did not realize the next day that she had been tricked and did not hold any resentment for it. Considering the positivity in your story, though, the way she actually acted makes more sense. I have nothing to add to try to improve the story, except that I think I saw one error of a possessive somewhere, and you made a switch between "Kat" and "Cat" towards the end of your story (though I do not know if that was intentional).
I love your story, and I look forward to seeing what else you come up with and put in your portfolio!
Hi Briana!
ReplyDeleteYour page is absolutely beautiful! I love the picture and the setup. It's so organized and clear. You did an excellent job and gave me some ideas for how to improve my page. I really enjoyed your story, "The Princess and the Pauper". It was a wonderful variation on the foolish rabbit jataka. The way that you told the story, and your word choices, flowed beautifully. There were a few minor things that I noticed while I was reading. For the majority of the story, you spelled the Princess's name as Kat, but partway thru it changed to Cat several times. Also, there were a few sentences here and there that I wasn't sure about the comma placement. For example: "After hours, and hours she finally had it, Ella was going to pretend like the world was going to end". I think that the comma placement/punctuation should be more like this: After hours and hours, she finally had it. Ella was going to pretend that the world was going to end. Then, when you referenced the girls going to bed, "peaceful night's sleep" was missing the possessive. Other than a few minor editing things, I thought your story was absolutely perfect!
Hi, Briana!
ReplyDeleteI love your page, the layout, the name everything! It's set up very well and it is very easy to navigate. I really enjoyed your story and how you decided to retell it. It was a new take on a very popular fairytale! I've retold another story based on a fairy tale and it was really fun to write. I like how you made Kat become nice by having her think the world was ending. I also liked how you made Ella realize she didn't need a fairy god-mother and that she could change the world by herself. You did a really good job and I look forward to reading more of your stories. Good luck with the rest of your stories!
Hi Briana,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your website is awesome. It really looks like a fairy tale book and it goes along great with your story. Last week I commented on somebody's project and said they had my favorite layout so far, but you definitely stole that from them. I love the backdrop picture of the road leading to the castle, that is awesome. Now for the story, you followed it up just as good. The structure of the plot was very organized and easy to read. The beginning of the story is awesome. You went into great depth about the characters and now I know all about them! I think this is a very important element to creating a story, because with no characters, there is no plot. This has been the first true fairy tale story I have read, and I surprisingly really enjoyed it. Usually I think fairy tales are too soft and fluffy, but I liked how elaborate yours was!
Brooks
Hey Bri!
ReplyDeleteI LOVED your story. I liked that you gave both a classical fairytale and an Indian story your own twist. I thought the removal Cinderella's beauty in your version made her kindness stand out even more. I also thought that your use of some of the plot of the Indian tale coupled with human characters gave it some depth. I'm curious how you came up with the name Kat as the villian's name? Also will we ever meet any of Kat's family? Or Ella's? I think if you are continuing with these characters it would be really nice to get more background on each of them. What made Kat so mean? Are her parents cruel or is she spoiled? What made Ella so kind? Is she sweet by nature or did she also have to learn how to be kind at an earlier point in life? I think any of those questions would be fun to explore in your future stories. Overall, I really enjoyed this story and cannot wait to read your next one!!
Hey Brianna- great job on the Cindiarella story. I was taken by surprise when Ella decided that she didn't want revenge, and instead wanted to help Kat be nicer. I was also surprised when Ella was hoping that a fairy god-mother would come- but none did. When Ella realized that she had to make the change happen, I smiled. This story did a good job of taking me off guard, and convincing me of it's sincerity. I noticed no spelling or grammar errors, and the site looks so clean. I had to pull up my own site and compare the two (yours is the only one that has made me question my own for a moment). I did not recognize your story from the Timid Rabbit story, even though I was familiar with it. If I were to give a suggestion, I'd say go back and add an element from the original story into yours. That way maybe people can recognize the original a little bit better. But seriously, great job on this story, and next week I will be choosing your website and reading your other story. Good luck this week!
ReplyDeleteBriana, I love the way you transitioned your stories in your storybook. Not many people have done that, but you did it so well! I also enjoy that they are in fairy tale format, bringing me back to the old days and your play on words is just great (i.e. cINDIArella)! Funnily, I actually read another rewrite of your first story about the rabbit and the end of the world. You did so well narrating the story and utilizing the end of the world to bring the two girls together as friends. Very clever, I'm not sure I could have thought of that. I was almost afraid that the end when Princess Kat found out it wasn't the end of the world, that she would be upset with Ella. Mostly if she were to find out from someone else that it was never supposed to end in the first place. What if you incorporated other characters, because the original story had the rabbit run to tell all the other animals the world was ending, so maybe it'd be more believable for Kat if Ella could get other people to convince her? But of course I understand the simplicity of it all. Great work!
ReplyDeleteBriana,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, the title of your blog is what caught my attention in the class directory; it was clever and I knew the stories were interesting. Although I am not one to play favorites, I am certain that your project has been my favorite so far. I loved fairytales such as Cinderella in the past, so I loved your connection between that story and the Indian Epics.
Also, I noticed you are retelling stories from the Jatakas! This is what my project is about too, so I loved reading your interpretation of them; it was a completely different perspective! When you tell the story with new characters, you see new aspects of the story that I did not catch the first time!
Moving forward with your website, I would only advise you to work on one thing: the language. Now, this depends on what kind of attitude you want your readers to have when reading your stories. Your language and word choice (mainly the dialogue between characters) is very casual and has modern terminology. Although it is relatable to your readers now, it takes away from the fairytale aspect a little but. When I think of Cinderella, I think of a formal way of telling and how the characters talk (how they used to talk in that time period). If you want modern though, keep it up!
Hey Briana,
ReplyDeleteYour blog name definitely caught my attention. The title of the storybook also gave way to what I would most likely be reading about. I read the first story and think that you did a wonderful job with details and setting the tone for the story. My only complaint is the use of all caps in the quotes. I understand that it adds a sense of urgency almost as if there is screaming, but it is a little bit overdone. To reiterate I think the caps are fine, but you may have over done it a bit.
I also looked ahead and read the story about the Suitor games. You did a great job of crossing over your crossover. It was a very interesting read as it related three stories in one, something that must have been a bit challenging. I really did enjoy your stories. Best of luck in future writings!
I've really enjoyed your stories so far! I love that they are each different in respect to what Indian epic they are referencing, but that they include the same characters and incorporate other fairy tales as well. You've made for a very fun and interesting storybook! I also like the title and how it gave a pretty good glimpse into what we would get to see as readers.
ReplyDeleteThe first story is probably my favorite. I thought it was cute to introduce a character who actively WISHED to make someone believe it was the end of the world, rather than a misinterpretation.
In the second story, I loved how you purposely added a feminist aspect to it with Kat choosing not to take a husband.
I will say that I think you switch Ella/Ellie's name between the three stories, but that's the only thing I noticed that confused me.
Overall, I love the modern twist on old classics!
Briana!
ReplyDeleteYour project is looking excellent so far. Your layout of your project website is very unique. However, I would make it easier for your readers to find your stories. Since I am very familiar with blogger, as all are now, I was able to locate them on the sidebar. However, I think you should add their link to the teasers you have about them on your homepage!
I am impressed that you already have three stories published for your project! That is awesome. There is so much variety between your retellings, yet they all tie together so well. I loved the fairy-tale feel that The Princess & The Pauper gives when you read it. I loved that story as a child, and I loved reading your retelling of it! Your project is really coming along and looking great! I am looking forward to checking back on it as the semester rolls along!
Hey Briana,
ReplyDeleteFrist of all I love the way your home page is set up. I like how it tell you a little mini blur of what happened in the last story and what that one is about. I thought it was cute how you named her Cindiarella to include India in there, and I like how you shortened her name to Ella it really helps the story flow better. I really like the fairytale theme. As for your stories I really like how you managed to take different stories from the class and use them in the fairytale theme. I also like how you were able to make each story a cohesive continuation of the previous one. I also think your author’s notes were very good at explaining which story you chose and why you changed certain elements to fit the theme. I hope to read more soon, and hope you have a good rest of the semester.
Hi Briana! There were so many things that I could say about your story book and the way that you have written your entries thus far! One thing, however, that I would suggest is maybe cleaning the visual aspects of your website just a bit. This might be just me but I thought it was really busy and hard to take all of it in at first. Moving on, I really loved that you did something along the lines of a fairy tale. I am in the mythology-folklore section so this is not something that I have read much up on, but you did a wonderful job of filling your readers in so that that wasn't a hindrance like it could have been otherwise. I did go back and look at the original that you based your work on and I thought you did a really nice job keeping yours close enough but not too similar to it so that the idea was the same but there was still a certain degree of originality. I may be in the other class but this is definitely one that I will have to bookmark to come and check on at the end of this semester to see what you have added. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Briana! First, I want to comment on your title for your portfolio. It is the most creative title I have seen in both the Mythology course and the Indian Epics course which is why I picked it. Your portfolio also looks amazing in terms of the color scheme and pictures you used. It is vibrant and makes your stories very readable. Overall, I like your writing style and the uniqueness of it. I think the most memorable aspect from all of your stories is when in “The Reign of Terror” the king gives the crown to Kat. That scene ties everything together and gives the story a nice ending. I think the main question I had from “The Reign of Terror” is why the castle’s army fought with the king. I understand the motives behind why they did it, but it wasn’t really explained and it came out of nowhere. What if you included some dialogue between the guards earlier in the story to foreshadow their mutiny against Queen Jezz? I feel as though this would add another layer that would benefit your story. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed your portfolio.
ReplyDeleteHey there Briana! As many others before me have commented, I would just like to commend you on your title for your portfolio. It is a great play on words and really brings the reader in. Moving on to your Home page I was impressed with the way it was laid out. It is a really friendly interface for the user to not only navigate the site and get story to story but also allows brief explanations for each story to get an idea before you begin. I loved your stories as a whole and thought that they built upon each other very well. I would only recommend maybe not making the introduction and ending to each repetitive. Although I do like a happy ending I think that the ends are relatively similar. In this sense the beginnings of some are the same too. That is a very minor critique but really all I have because everything looked so great! Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Briana!
ReplyDeleteI love the concept of this storybook and I think you did a great job with it! I’m focusing on the first story for this comment. It’s an interesting change to have Ella not be beautiful, because of course that is how the story traditionally goes. I also really liked the part about the Fairy Godmother and her realization that she was the only one who could change her life. It seems like maybe Kat would have needed more convincing to believe the world would end, or maybe proof. Ella said that “people” say it cracks in half, but who are those people and where did they get that idea from? That was the big question that jumped out at me and if you’re looking to expand your story, you could maybe look into that. Overall, I think you did a really great job with your story book.
Hi Briana! I've enjoyed reading your stories so far — I like how you're combining pieces of the classic Cinderella tale with additional characters and new storylines I'd never heard of before. I appreciated your use of dialogue and varying sentence and paragraph length in your first story about the Kat and Ella, and I thought you did a good job of making Ella a likable, dynamic character. It's also great that you were able to use your first story to set Kat and Ella up as friends in your first story, because that opens up lots of opportunities for the rest of your stories! I also thought you did a nice job of giving readers helpful introductions to each of your stories on your website's homepage, which was helpful to me as a reader knowing a little about what each story will be about. Overall, really nice work! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHey Briana,
ReplyDeleteFirst off you have set up your storybook project very well. You made it very easy to find the comment wall , as well as gave a brief description of what each story would be about. It is very well organized.
I really enjoyed the change of characters in the first story. Disney’s Cinderella in know for her beauty and kind heart but I like that you changed her to not have outer beauty. I was worried Kat would be mad at Ella for tricking her, but you kept the story happy and light hearted. In the second story I was confused on why the King adopted Ella. Did something happen to her parents? Maybe you could add a sentence or two over Ella losing her parents and Kat bring there for her. I also enjoyed the fact that Ella had a connection with Steve and that they did not just fall in love because of looks. Having Kat chose to rule the kingdom on her own also gave the story the added lesson of a woman not needing a man to accomplish things. Great project!
Hi Briana!
ReplyDeleteI had read a little of your storybook fairly early on, and I'm glad that I came back. I think you just had your first story last time, and you have added a great deal since. Your page is wonderful! The colors and the pictures are beautiful. It's really well set up and organized. I love it!I like the way you managed to take familiar fairy tale elements and incorporate themes and ideas from the Indian stories that we're reading. The way you've done it, it makes it so obvious how many of these themes are really universal, even if they're very different in the details. I really liked the Suitor Games story. I thought the whole thing was a really creative take on Rama and Sita's story. There was one typo that I noticed, it said Ff instead of If. I think all of your stories were really great. Excellent job!
Hi Brianna! First off, I think the title of your storybook is a very nice and creative pun - it's extremely meaningful, too, since it gives the author an idea of what kind of thematic material the stories will have. The story of the Princess and the Pauper was absolutely wonderful - I have no criticism of it, and also found no grammatical errors. I thought it flowed very smoothly, and the message behind it was wonderful. The way you incorporated the theme of Rama and Sita's marriage into your second story, The Suitor Games, was also very smooth. Although new characters and a slightly different scenario were used, the main idea of the original story was kept strongly intact. Reading your author's note about your story titled "The Evil Stepmother," I was actually quite surprised - I thought the story flowed very beautifully reading it through even the first time! The parallels of Kaikeyi and Jezzabelle were striking and intact. Whereas I had expected a larger hint of tragedy in the final story, I found the story's conclusion extremely satisfying. Overall, I think that your storytelling was beautiful. The only suggestions that I would have would be to add more visuals and perhaps do an extra spellcheck - other than that, I think the stories are perfect!
ReplyDeleteHey Brianna! I really love your title and think it's a super creative way to portray Cinderella! I also think your stories are so creative and I love how you incorporated ideas from many different things! I also read the Jataka tales so I thought it was interesting that you chose a few of those to stem your ideas off of, as well as parts of the Ramayana where the ruler of the kingdom is banished at the request of the King's wife. Your stories are also really well written; the dialogue flowed really well and the plot immediately had me interested! The layout of your blog is super neat and easy to navigate as well :) I also really like that you talked about Kat and Cindiarella's relationship at the beginning, then in the last two stories you talked about the backstory of Kat's character a little more. Overall I just really loved reading your project, great job! :)
ReplyDeleteHey Bri!
ReplyDeleteI just finished getting caught up on your storybook! You did an awesome job and I really enjoyed reading it! I especially liked "The Suitor Games". I think you did a great job of adapting Rama and Sita's story to fit within your storybook. You also did a great job showing how there could be more than one type of happy ending for the main characters. I thought it was really good that Suitor Games was the second story and that you continued the narrative after the happily ever after ending of that story. Switching the focus from Ella to Kat worked really well and make the story continue to be exciting. I also liked the pretty consistent relationship between the King and Kat. I think it would be cool if your could add some of Kat's perspective into your last two stories. I would like to know how she fews her stepmother and whether she thinks maybe she can help redeem Jezz like Ella helped redeem her.
-Elizabeth
Hi Briana,
ReplyDeleteI previously looked at your storybook a few weeks ago and I was excited to resist it to see your progress. I see from my last comment that you already had three stories published whenever I looked at your project the first time, which is great. You have now added a fourth story, The Reign of Terror. I truly think this one is my favorite out of all that you have done! I remember really enjoying your first three stories, but I just thought this one was so well done. It was the perfect ending for your project! It exemplified your writing skills and the message you wanted to tell with your overall project. Your author's note at the end is excellent and very thought out. I love that you explain how important it was for you to find the right story to end your project on because you definitely accomplished that! I also love the different colored formatting on your author's note. It looks so clean with your layout, but is easy to identity.
Great job on your project it looks amazing!!!
Briana,
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I have made it over to your storybook and I was very happy to get to read your project so far. I have to say that your title is extremely clever and I honestly wish I could come up with something that good for my own story. Just reading the titles of each of your story as well all of them describe their respective story so well and have a fun wording to them as well. I must say I am very impressed. I was happy to read in The Evil Stepmother how Kaikeyi would be portrayed as I am also doing my story over the Ramayana. I love the story of Sita and Rama so I am always happy to see other stories talking about the Ramayana. I think you have a great story here and I hope to get to come back and read one or two more of your stories to finish out the semester.
Hi Briana,
ReplyDeleteYou have a really creative title for your storybook. It adds a nice touch to all the stories you have written so far. I also love the use of pictures and background that you use for the stories. I read your story, The Princess and the Pauper for this week. You did a great job with that one, all the thoughts were well thought out and you even incorporated one of the tales from Jataka Tales very smoothly. I do not really have any suggestion on it besides maybe you can add more pictures. It will help audience visualize the scene even better. I did not see any grammar mistakes or felt like any thing was left out. You completely changed the old story of Rabbit and made it into a different perspective. I must say you are really creative with writing and I am impressed. This story would be great for little kids! Overall, you did awesome job with your story book. I hope to read more in this few weeks. Good luck with rest of this semester and project.
Briana, I had never read any of your stories before, so I am glad that I landed on your storybook today! I really enjoyed your first story of The Princess and the Pauper. I thought it was very clever of you to include the idea of the fairy god mother, because when I got to that part, I actually thought that there was going to be one. However, you made the pauper take matters into her own hands and change her own fate. It shows that the pauper is a smart girl and that she is capable of handling things on her own. The only suggestions that I could make would be to limit the capitalization since there is a lot and to possibly reword the part about the princess fixing the pauper's hunched back. I couldn't easily picture how one would do that. As for the origin of the tale, I could see where your inspiration came from. I read two different versions of The Foolish, Timid Rabbit. I also wrote a story on that Jataka tale awhile ago, so it was nice to read a completely different take on the story. Good job on this!
ReplyDeleteHi Briana! I thought your stories were so much fun to read! I immediately thought of The Princess Diaries as I was reading. Haha. My favorite part about the first story was how the ending was the two girls being friends. I also liked how well you transitioned into your first story to your second one. Your introduction to Steve was super cute. I appreciated the child-like theme to your story. I think you were going for a children friendly project! I did wonder about their internal thoughts. What if you added in more dialogue to the story to make it some more real? Other than that, I thought you did a very well job portraying the story, and I think your transitions to the stories are one of the best I’ve encountered so far. I look forward to reading what happens to the characters in your next story. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Briana! I am back to comment on your newest addition to the Storybook. I love that each story continued on the same continuity and that we got to watch the characters grow! It was very easy to see where you got your inspiration for each story, and I loved that. I also enjoyed seeing where you got the Indian Epic influence for each one. I think you did a great job spinning off of the materials you started with, and they were so fun to read! Lighthearted writing is definitely your strong suit. The characters were colorful, relatable, and just fun to read about. I do wish we got to learn more about Ellie in the last few adventures, but Kat was still an interesting subject since she had so much growth. Your storybook theme stayed consistent throughout the project, and I commend you for picking such an interesting one that you were able to stick with! Great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Briana! I think your storybook is my favorite by far! I am such a huge fan of princess stories, especially Cinderella, so I couldn't help but read your story book. I thought it was so clever to and India in your title. I love a good play on words. Your layout is a perfect blend of organized and aesthetically pleasing. The picture in the header really caught my eye. It goes well with the theme of your story. As for the writing itself, you did a great job! I love how you started your story book with once upon a time. Every good fairy tale starts out with once upon a time. Your stories get progressively better! It was amazing how you could see the characters grow in each story. Reign of Terror was such a great ending to you storybook! Each of these stories really shows off your writing skills. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Briana! I haven't been to your page in a while so I was so surprised to see all the new stories you have written so far. I really enjoyed your two new stories you added, and I think the little descriptions you have for all of them on your homepage so that the readers can see what the stories are going to be about before they read them and get a little more insight than just from the title is an awesome idea. I love fairytales so your project is definitely one of my new favorites even though its late in the game. Your last story looking at where the evil step mother came from was such a fun read. You do a great job juggling dialogue and story. Keep up the great work!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Briana!
ReplyDeleteIt's me again, haha! I was excited to see your project and how different it would be not that I am commenting for the second time! Like I said in the previous comment, I still love the title and design of your blog. It is so clever! Also, the way your stories all connect to each other makes it very fun and easy to read!
You had a few new stories to read, so I focused on them while I was thinking about your feedback. The fairytale aspect of your stories were still consistent, which was great. My favorite story to read (out of the new ones) was definitely the one about the step mother; it connected with the Cinderella theme of your website, but it also connect with the class's materials and readings so well! The evil stepmother is actually what I thought about the first time I read the original Indian story. This was such a clever way to retell the stories of the Indian Epics... I hope your final project has a grade that reflects that!